Skeletons In The Closet

It's the end of October, and there are spooky fall and Halloween-themed things everywhere. People are often fascinated with the idea of ghosts, goblins, witches, and skeletons (along with the most recent movie hero) skipping down the street to collect candy.

My childhood memories of trick-or-treating are very different than what today's kids have, I am sure. First of all, we hardly ever purchased a costume. You dug in the linen closet or your parent's closet, pulled together what you could, and that was your costume. Also, I remember kids in my neighborhood (fairly young kids) being completely unsupervised. Running from house to house with glee as they yelled "trick-or-treat" at the homeowner, thrust their pillow case at them, waiting and hoping to receive some form of candy they actually liked.

You know, memories of childhood can be kind of funny. I honestly do not know anyone within my close circle of friends who has not been raised with childhood trauma. Seriously, if you listen to people tell their stories, you hear it. They may not always realize it's trauma, but that is because it is "normal" for them. "It's just how I was raised" or "I thought everyone did that" are usually the phrases that accompany that thinking.

Some of those friends know they grew up with childhood trauma, abuse, and neglect. They choose to ignore it or bury it. Some don't have a lot of memories other than the ones that are painful, so they choose to tuck those skeletons away in what I call their "trauma closet." Meaning they keep stuffing that closet with the pain, anxiety, fear, and hurt of those situations and memories. They only open the door to shove something else in. Eventually, something ends up popping out. It shows itself in the way of anxiety, fears, unhealthy habits, anger, personally harmful decisions, and a whole list of other things.

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If this is you, it doesn't have to be this way.

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If you are an adult, avoiding the skeletons in the closet, it's time to open the door, shed light on them and deal with them. Avoiding doesn't prevent pain; it postpones it. You know what else? When you postpone dealing with it, you become comfortable with hiding and avoiding it. Neither of these things serves you well as an adult, spouse, parent, or caregiver. The energy you're using to hold that door shut so other skeletons don't pop out could be used just to clean out the closet. In doing so, you create a space for healing, forgiveness (you really can get to forgiveness), and space to breathe.

So what's the first step? Realizing you have been stuffing things into your trauma closet. The next step is being very brave and opening the door. The first few things that pop out of that dark space may startle you. You might be tempted to close your eyes or to quickly shut the door. It's ok. You're going to take one thing at a time, and you're going to be ok. You ARE OK; you're just cleaning out the closet. You're in this process for the long haul. Don't expect decades of skeletons to be cleared out in one afternoon. Take your time, and address each one as you come to it.

Now, here's the thing, some of those skeletons are really dreams that you thought had died. Disappointments that caused you to let that dream and your heart's desire die. Fear can also cause us to put things in the trauma closet that didn't need to go there. How do you revive these things?

"Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’” Ezekiel 37 4-6 NLT

The best way to revive them is to speak the truth of what God says about you and that situation. And while you're doing that, how about you ask God to shine his light into your closet? How about you tell him, "God, I can't empty this closet on my own. Please help me sort through the skeletons and stop putting more in." I guarantee you he will show up, and he will absolutely help you walk through cleaning out the skeletons in your closet. It's a process. You have to be willing to honestly look at what you've been shoving into your closet and speak the word of the Lord to each thing. Some skeletons are still kind of scary. You will, with God's help, deal with them all.

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'Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. ' Psalms 91:5-7

'When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.” The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. ' Psalms 91:14-16

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As you see the littles out with their parents, with their "scary" costumes and having fun, I hope you're reminded nothing is too scary to take on with God. He will always hold you in the palm of his hand and won't let you fall. We can do hard things. We can shine a light in that dark space and be better off for it.

As always, friends, be well-fed. Until next time.

John & Stephanie